Drunk

The only thing I know is that I love you,
I know you are the Sun and I am the dew,
I know that you are pretty and I am ugly,
But then, I think, there's always a may be.

You are happy and you make merry,
I watch you and turn red like a cherry,
You are always happy and you always shine,
But I carry on without you, with a broken spine.

With the foolish dreams I dreamt for myself,
I know its not possible, it's just a bluff,
But then how can I help feeling about you,
For God has been kind to some other few.

Let me wake up all sane, sober and done,
For wondering a life with you and the fun,
Is crazy as was the idea of Giza,
Though love stands tall as in Pisa.

I wish you come and make me complete,
I love you lots with each of my beat,
Sitting drunk I wonder about those few,
The only thing I know is that I love you.

A Nerd's Guide To Getting Hooked Up

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Hallucination

She came to him, never to go
Pleasant dream, quite a show
Ecstatic time, beyond discernment
Eternal bliss, akin to firmament

His love for her was sublime
Spanning beyond boundaries of time
Together they went atop worldly hill
Their joy infinite and their worries nil

His decorated lady, fairer than fair
Like a moonlit night, and scented air
Those eyes of hers, stairway to heaven
An alarm shrieked, 'twas half-past seven

Wake up sonny, lift thy brow
She never came, end of show

Childhood's End

You shout in your sleep.
Perhaps the price is just too steep.
Is your conscience at rest
If once put to the test?

You awake with a stars
To just the beating of your heart.
Just one man beneath the skies,
Just two ears, just two eyes.

You set sail across the sea
Of longpast thoughts and memories.
Childhood's end,
Your fantasies merge with harsh realities.

And then as the sail is hoist,
You find your eyes are growing moist.
All the fears never voiced
Say you have to make your final choice.

Who are you and who am I
To say we know the reason why
Some are born;
Some men diebeneath one infinite sky.

There'll be war, there'll be peace.
But everything one day will cease.

All the iron'll turn to rust;
All the proud men'll turn to dust.
And so all things, time will mend.
So this song will end.

-Song by Pink Floyd, Album: Obscured by Clouds

H(p) = -plogp - (1-p)log(1-p)

H(p) = -plogp - (1-p)log(1-p)
by Scott Aaronson



I was reading an obituary of Shannon,
asking myself:
why did it take till 1948?
That the semantics of a message
are irrelevant to how to transmit it,
that the distribution from which the message was
chosen is all that matters,
is obvious.
Should've been obvious to the Babylonians,
Greeks, Egyptians.

Why, among the thousands of ideas put forward
by Aristotle, Augustine, Maimonides,
Kant, Comte, Marx, Nietzsche,
Mary Baker Eddy,
was there nowhere the almost trivial observation
that to encrypt perfectly you need a key
the size of the message itself?
or that almost all functions
have exponential circuit complexity?

I wandered out of the library
and saw a girl sketching the landscape,
breasts straining against the V of her sweater,
surrounded by laughing guys
who'd probably never even seen the entropy formula,
and then I knew.

1984

Good book, I'd like to quote:

They sye that time 'eals all things,
They sye you can always forget;
But the smiles an' the tears across the years
They twist my 'eart strings yet!

As always, could relate to this...

You or me

People around here are driving me crazy
Watching them run is making me lazy
Trying to buy a place in my head
Selling me lines I've already read
Speaking my name to try to confuse me
Say it again you're starting to lose me

That's alright I'm okay
It happens every single day
It's all the same
But I'm not blind

Nevermind
It's either you or me
And I can't see the difference
You or me
I find that I can't see the difference

Senility and lack of well being

Don't know what's happening. That palpitation thing. That costocondritis (or whatever the spellings are). And now this "occupational hazard" of a constant pain, right wrist upwards to the elbow. Tis lack of well being.

Tis lack of well being and . . .

"
Come on over
Do the twist
Overdo it
Have a fit
Come on over
Shoot the shit
Love you so much
Makes me sick
Beat me out of me
She keeps it pumping straight into my heart
"

BITCH!


Tis, probably, senility.

ZombiePunchLine

(Thanks to Neha Wattas for sending me this with the quote "Probably you'd be able to relate to it!")

I have suffered from being misunderstood, but I would have suffered a hell of a lot more if I had been understood. -Clarence Darrow

How bizarre, how bizarre!

Porcelain

(Amusing as it is to me, I tend to come across words that say __exactly__ what I want to say, so here I am saying it through Moby's composition)

In my dreams I'm dying all the time
Then I wake its kaleidoscopic mind
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to lie
So this is goodbye
This is goodbye

Tell the truth you never wanted me
Tell me...

In my dreams I'm jealous all the time
Then I wake I'm going out of my mind
Going out of my mind

God

Suraj ki garmi se
tapte hue man ko
mil jaaye
taruvar ki chaaya

aisa hi sukh
mere man ko mila hai
mein jabse sharan teri aaya
mere Raam

God exists. Just that he's apparently busy at times. At times he's indifferent.

It is deserved at times, but Mr. God, it's your job to take care of things around here. So please do.

Dog

"On the Internet, no one knows you are a dog" - this quote is most probably copyright Suresh, yes that super studd self styled 'lower middle class sys admin'.

I was reminded of this yesterday, looking at them and us.

Actually, its __only__ on the Internet that no one knows you are a dog, elsewhere they do. You may not __have__ to be a dog. You may have an NRI father. You may have an earning in dollars and spending in rupees. Then you may not be a dog.

But if you are, so accept it and move on, may a bitch be with you. Bow!

Natural Blues

The following song is by Moby - can relate to it somehow - among other things, my brother (yes most of the world doesn't even know I ever had a brother) died when I was 6 years old.

Oh lordy, trouble so hard
don't nobody know my troubles but God

Went down the hill, other day
soul got happy and stayed all day

Went in the room, didn't stay long,
looked on the bed and brother was dead

Serious...

OS Quiz, again!

I took the OS Quiz again, and see the results!
So those of you who think I have substandard communication skills, go get screwed somewhere. Or, why bother someone else, go kiss a cactus, and do it with your butt :-p

cel-pec and (unrelatedly) my pneumodreamania

The technically non-challanged people of PEC circa late 20th Century - this is how they describe themselves, actually, we describe ourselves (yes, I'm a part of this group, actually everyone else is like 4-5 seniors to me and worked for CEL@PEC, I didn't). The reason I'm mentioning it here because, these guys (okay us!) know stuff. The second reason I'm mentioning it here is that there is publicly viewable blog at http://celpec.blogspot.com. Follow this link and keep coming to see whats on.

On an unrelated note, man, dream life is becoming such a misery. Oxymoron as it may sound, these days I'm prefering real life than dream life. Reason? This genuine sadness I was awarded a few days ago. To add to the misery, all I see is getting kicked, being told I'm not fit for social consumption, and dream of office and things going wrong.

Gawd, how easy is to cremate and move on. Autopsy is apparently fun to some.
Genuine sadness.

As strong as lithium

(Met Rat yesterday over beer, talked a while, bitched a while, laughed a while, overall good fun! MoM follow)

I like you, I'm not gonna cry
I miss you, I'm not gonna cry
I love you, I'm not gonna cry
I killed you, I'm not gonna cry

Dead and gone. The show must go on.

I know its wrong, so what should I do? (from On a plain)

I'll start this off without any words
I got so high that I scratched 'til I bled
I love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do?
The finest day that I ever had
Was when I learned to cry on command
I'm on a plain
I can't complain

The truth is out there...

Fellow Zincers,

The truth is out there. Zombie is exposed. The I-am-not-a-geek silhouette withered. An apparent attempt at being fit for social consumption has failed so damned miserably.

Once upon a time, there was shit. Once upon a time, there was a fan. Then the fan started. Wait, it ain't gross yet! I threw the shit and it hit the running fan. Now there's shit all over.
All this while I didn't even know that what I'm saying has, invisible to me, connotations attached to it, ALL THE TIME. I just thought I was talking to a friend. But no, geeks have no non-geek friends.

So here I am, an authenic social misfit. Pity me, for that's among the few things I'm used to.
Beat me, whip me, but don't send me to the cruel society.
Its back to Nirvana now, yes you guessed it! My favorite for the moment is 'On a plain'

Lets headbang, and drop the shit.

Yours zincerly,
Zombie
PS: I like Rohit and Shantz's current posts on the list, but as the wise zombie has said elsewhere, we don't need no meano, I mean, maino to run our house.

Hapless and helpless, not even knowing why

A pretty helpless day, yesterday.
Somehow I am being held responsible for something I never did :(
Its like firing a shot using an airgun near the border and being blamed for using a B-52 stealth bomber in a forbidden territory :( :(

Tried explaining on chat, sent several smses, sent a mail, had unanswered calls like a zillion times, had two answered calls. The first one giving some hope, I thought I would be absolved. But it was not to be.

The second answered call threw me on a tar road, ran a road-roller over me, turned me over, ran the road roller again, turned me orthogonally, held me between two bricks, ran the road roller again, now a 180 degrees turn, held again among bricks and ran the road-roller again.
No it doesn't end here, to quote, I may be absolved in a day (weak chance), a week (not strong either) or NEVER (said as strongly).

I really don't know why does this kind of stuff happen to me. Just hoping I get to know.
Till then its sadness, anxiety and a disgusting existence...

The beautiful

Here I was, a maverick, a geek and a nerd,
With a world of my own, a free spirited bird,
Dreaming of myself, white backdrop and a stick,
All mirage all over, no men, no brick.

Along came a day, when our paths met,
I fancied you, never escaping a fret,
There you were, a princess of a million dreams,
A dreamer, me, little substance, lesser streams.

I let the feelings stay, the expression tarry,
But it seems an age, no longer can I carry,
These meaningless thoughts, this ephemeral dew,
Not possible it is, to see and talk and not love you.

For mere mortals, like me, can never vie,
A lovely life, immortality, having never to die
I ask you, pretty woman, to think I'm gone,
I'll retire those feelings, make this heart a stone.

Such a lovely, adorable thing you have been,
Rule those million dreams, princess, be the queen
May you be happy, blessed, chirpy and cheerful
Dear Lord, do you make the mortals and the beautiful?

Which OS are you?

Take this quiz http://bbspot.com/News/2003/01/os_quiz.php


Which OS are You?

Sadly I turned out to be Windows 95, with sub-standard communication skills :(

Sis...

My sis topped Chandigarh in the class VIII exams, by jove, and I never topped even in kinder garten, not even in my section, all that rogan badam shirin masaages notwithstanding :)
Gawd!
But I am might happy, I am. God bless you, sis!

Swear, I didn't do it for the nookie

Why did it take so long?
Why, did I wait so long, huh?
To figure it out, but I did it
And I'm the only one
Underneath the sun who didn't get it
I can't believe that I could be deceived
By my so-called girl, but in reality
She had a hidden agenda
She put my tender, heart in a blender
And still I surrender

Like a chump, hey

Nirvana - Howto?

I would never bother you
I would never promise to
I will never follow you
I will never bother you
Never speak a word again
I will crawl away for good

I will move away from here
You won't be afraid of fear
No thought was put into this
I always knew it would come to this
Things have never been so swell
And I have never failed to fail
Pain... (x3)
You know you're right (x3)

I´m so warm and calm inside
I no longer have to hide
Let's talk about someone else
Sterling silver begins to melt
Nothin' really bothers her
She just wants to love herself

I will move away from here
You won't be afraid of fear
No thought was put into this
I always knowed it'd come to this
Things have never been so swell
And I have never failed to fail

Pain... (x5)
You know you're right (x12)
You know you're right (x4)
Pain...
---------------------------------
Ain't got nothing called will, have I?
/*answer awaited*/
...
/*state desired*/

Entropy

... rin ... iffco chowk ... dinner ... peas ... bitch ... training ... claims ... shave ... geyser ... shampoo ... landlord ... bitch ... 1984 ... feedback ... infosys ... lungs ... licensing ... bitch ... psalms ...

I like it, I'm not gonna cry
I miss you, I'm not gonna cry
I love you, I'm not gonna cry
I killed you, I'm not gonna cry

... dropped the albatross ...

Them: "Rahul, cig?"
Me: "Do I have a cig?"
Me: "No"
Me: "Do I have a life?"
Me: "No"
Me: "Do I have a girl friend?"
Me: "No"
Me: "Do I want a cig?"
Me: "Yes"
Me: "Do I want a life?"
Me: "Yes"
Me: "Do I want a girl friend?"
Me: "No"

Entropy of the world keeps on increasing, just my share into it

Momentary lapse of reason

Been having a lot of 'em for the past few days. I mean I prepare some document or something, revisit it after sometime and invariably see myself wonder how on earth could I have written that!

Attribute it primarily to the post below and while you do that, read the title as "In (and hopefully) out of insanity".

Why?
I don't know, but I've been told,
Pretty little woman ain't got no soul.

Wish God gave them, the pretty, some true emotion.
Dear God, I understand, you're busy.

Later...

In (and most probably) out of love

I did the sinful act of liking (read as a stronger emotion, reader discretion required) someone. Why was it a sin? Because that someone is just so much out of my league that associating with them for a moment needs heavenly luck, and here I was, thinking of a long association. Something like asking for a heaven-like life. That's a sin. Ain't it?

So goes the sin (narrative):
I see you the first time and pause for a moment, "pretty little
thing", I wonder and then move on. I mean we see pretty little things
all the time, don't we? Pune has like a zillion of them.

A pretty person interests everyone and that includes me. That said,
the interest doesn't last long, so did with me. But the more I got
to know you, the more you interested me, more and more and more,
all the time. So much so that your persona just became overwhelming.
You were there all the time, eyes open and eyes closed.

The first thought of each of my dawns, the last thought of each
of my dusk. You and you and you. Dreams were dreamlike with you in them.

I see a pretty girl somewhere and just shrug her off, saying "I
know someone prettier that her", prettier than anyone, prettier than everyone.

Experience a pleasing moment and wonder if you were there too, what
sublime moment in life that would be. This explains the "wish you
were here" thing at getting tipsy for tipsy times are among the
best moments for me. But that went wrong. You read it wrong and I let you do so too.

Ladies and gentlemen, the panic sets in. You are offended by the
very mention of the word 'together'. Sharing a happy moment with
the thought of you around is an offence, a sin, I'm told. That does it.

Then do I realise what a gross sin I was doing, thinking of a princess
and a piglet in the same picture. Holy mother of Christ, even Christ
can't afford that. What a fool.

Dream shattered, life wasted, time to disappear, ladies and gentlemen.
Time to dress in the cowardly attire, I wait for it to get dark and disappear.

Smoke fills the scene.

Happy times won't last long is a pessimist’s viewpoint. Happy times
don't last long, a pragmatist's.

But there must be more to life than seeking pure and selfish happiness.
Being sane is probably killing desires right ab initio.

The easiest way out, disappear. Think of it as a bad dream that
never happened. Cry a while, be a man, a new day will begin probably.

Probably it won't, who is to say?

Zombie watcheth

Inspite of promising, I took this long in writing a second blog. Sorry. Thats just me. But I do want to change. Motivation, man, how badly I want that!

Okay, coming to the post meat, I went to Delhi this weekend for a friend's wedding. It was the first time I watched the solemn occasion that closely, I mean there have been shaadis all the time, but somehow I wasn't as watchful of them.

Shaadi apart, the journey to and from Delhi was experience of sorts.
- Watch a drunken brawl in the DTC bus that I was travelling in, one of the moments, I wish I owned a car of my own and had had enough cash to keep me away from this all.
- Just when I got down at Dhaula Kuan, a flurry of khakhis are there gheroing everyone and asking them to stop right there. I just thought a few hours later I'd be on TV talking of some "attack" or something happening. But no, that was a politician attacking! It (the politician) was supposed to be visiting DSOI nearby, thus the barricade. Minister-o-Ridiculousia. I thought this kind of near curfew situation was to be seen only in the peak militancy days in Punjab. I thought the feeling of being a second-grade citizen would be one's own in a foreign country. I thought it was peace time. I thought I was as much an Indian.
- On my way back, I witnessed a bus conductor being rude with passengers who were objecting to the bus being halted for over 10 minutes at each stop. Reminded me of a post at Atanu's Blog about how much of a gap exists between the civilized and uncivilized, about how the under privileged are overly rude, about how I detest when people plead money for such "children of lesser a God"
- Watched my self being happy post daaru session at the marriage :)

Rambling et al, it ends here.

Introduction and the lack of it

Okay World, here I come!
Been thinking of having a blog ever since I was in college (Okay okay I realize that there should have been my intro et al. Lets say it one more time: *Yawn*. I am too lazy for that. So I'll try and "introduce meself" as it goes, don't expect write-ups starting with "I was born in the beautiful town of ", this, primarily because I wasn't born in a beautiful town )

Why start today? Good question! Wrong time. I am hurt you asked this. Its been a monotonous day. Monotonity/Cluelessness is what scares me.
Second, Rohit's page did the inspiration thingy.

I'm into a new job (Another piece of info, *info*...*/info* henceforth). I recently quit Infosys Technologies Ltd to join EValueServe, fondly EVS, as an Associate (Research Associate) in the Intellectual Property Division. IP related work is a niche area, at least in India and is expected to grow big time, thanks to the world's belief of India as the Knowledge Land.

The transition from Infosys to EVS happened *fast*. From a company I used to fancy (courtesy: BW et al) to a company I am sporting the mail id of, in some 20 days. Pretty cool, huh?

Winding up to see the preview and away from prying eyes. Keep tuned. I'll be back.
(Click here to mail me)